


Take it slow

by juzgal



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: F/M, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Threesome
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-26
Updated: 2018-07-30
Packaged: 2019-06-16 19:21:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15444057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/juzgal/pseuds/juzgal
Summary: Jonathan tries to avoid Steve and Nancy because he doesn't want to get between them, but they have something else in mind.





	1. Avoiding

It began really slowly. 

„Hey, Jonathan. Wait up! " 

He heard her running down the stairs. Jonathan was definitely not prepared for this. Nancy looked too cute in her yellow pullover and the golden necklace around her neck. She smiled happily at him. The first thing he wanted to do was turn around and go. This was definitely nothing he was prepared for. Her smiling at him. 

Nancy put a present in his hands and the only thing he could do was stumble over his own tongue by saying he had nothing for her. He cursed himself for that. Nancy's soft smile didn't waver.  
The moment she said that it really wasn't a present, he knew what it was. Steve was probably sitting upstairs, too proud to come down and give it to him himself.

Jonathan still looked confused at her. Why would they do that? I deserved that broken camera.

Suddenly Nancy's face was very close and as he felt the small kiss on his cheek, he saw Steve standing on top of the stairs, watching them. His heart skipped. He was sure it was because out of fear and not because the stare Steve gave him, was filled with warmth.   
Jonathan pressed out a ‚Merry Christmas‘ and turned to his little brother. He needed to get out of here. Never could he have been prepared for that. 

The kiss on the cheek that Nancy gave Jonathan on Christmas with Steve watching, held him back at getting involved with them again. Steve had been standing on top of the stairs, seeing it. Jonathan had felt that stare and all he wanted now was to forget it. He was afraid of the emotions he had seen on Steve's face. The other boy obviously hadn't reacted to Nancy kissing Jonathan. Still, the fear of Steve lashing out on him stayed in the back of his mind. Jonathan knew that he had a good chance at winning against Steve but he did not want to disappoint Nancy again and hitting that handsome face, making it bloody and gross for the second time was nothing he really wanted to do. None the less he thought back then it would have been a perfect opportunity to take a photograph of Steve. Jonathan was still sullen that he hadn't had the chance. 

Jonathan tried to avoid these two at all cost but the more he did the more he saw them. It seemed like they did it on purpose. Being where he was, finding and taking every opening to talk to him. It also was only Nancy who sought his attention. Steve was always standing far off, watching them both interact. Jonathan almost felt stalked.

"Hey, Jonathan! Wait up!" 

Nancy was again the one who called after him. Jonathan stopped in his tracks, watching as Nancy left Steve's side to walk over. It always seemed like Steve was afraid to get near like he would get beaten up again. Jonathan wouldn't, at least he thought he wouldn't.

"Wanna have lunch together? We can eat elsewhere, when the school cafeteria is not to your liking." 

Nancy looked nervous. She never looked nervous, except maybe before an exam. Jonathan didn't know her well enough to say probably anything about that.   
For a moment he considered her offer, then his eyes fell on Steve. 

"No, sorry. I promised to develop some pictures for someone. Have to go." 

With these words, he fled the scene.

Jonathan managed to avoid them for a week. It came to an end because Will was best friends with Mike. Nancy and Steve were determined to pick up Mike every-time he stayed over at Byers'. They only got him when it was getting dark but Mike had definitely made a silent agreement with Nancy to stay over longer. That was like always.

Jonathan was glad he did. Will very much profited from Mikes company. He needed people around him more than ever. The nightmares were not over.   
Will often slept in Jonathan's bed. Mostly occurred whenever their mother wasn't home. When Will slept alone, most of the time he woke up screaming in the middle of the night and Jonathan had to run over to his room to calm his little brother down.   
The only thing that could put Will back to sleep was their mix-tapes. These nights were the worst and most beautiful ones when they slowly drifted to sleep while ‚Should I stay or should I go‘ from The Clash silently played in the background. 

It began slow and stayed slow. 

Jonathan didn't allow it to go any faster. He was more afraid of it happening than he had been of the monster. He was able to hit the monster, shoot at it and set it on fire. This was nothing he could burn. Jonathan only could avoid it and that's exactly what he did.

Jonathan changed his daily routine randomly every second or third day. He felt paranoid every time he walked around a corner. The fear that he will stumble upon one of them or even both was overwhelming. Jonathan didn't even know how he should react if it happens. Probably run as fast as I can.   
He began to make his own lunches, taking them to school and eating them always somewhere else. Never going to a place twice. Most of the time it felt like 'hide and seek' without getting found. Jonathan always was good at avoiding people. Easier than eating a cake.

Just once he saw them. Jonathan saw Nancy's desperate face when her eyes fell on him. He just turned and almost ran away. 

"Jonathan!" 

This Time it wasn't Nancy who called him. Steve. Why would Steve Harrington call after me?   
But he didn't stop. They could call all they want. How in the world could he face them, when he even wasn't able to face his own feelings.   
Deep down in his heart, he wished they would run after him. Jonathan knew that they would respect his boundaries and will wait until he comes to them. 

He tried to stay as far away and as cold as he could when Nancy and Steve picked Mike up. Jonathan stayed polite. Always saying goodbye - from a distance of course. Acting like he had to do something so important that he couldn't possibly come close.   
Nancy always looked like she wanted to step closer and say something but every time she held back. In the beginning, Steve came with her into the house but then stopped and waited outside in the car.

"Bye, Jonathan. See you soon." Jonathan could hear the hope in her voice. 

"Bye, Nancy," was all he said back and hoped she didn't hear the sadness he felt.

It worked. He saw them less and less. Nancy's big doe-eyes and Steve's high flowing hair now seldom graced his view. Jonathan didn't want to admit it but he missed them. Missed how they touched each other short and sweet, how they looked at each other, how they gave each other a small peck on their lips when saying goodbye.

Missing them only made his mood go bad and time made it become worse and worse.

His mood was not the only thing that suffered. The number of photos he took per day was drastically decreasing. Every time he touched the camera he had to think about Nancy who gave it to him, Steve who probably bought it. Nancy's kiss on his cheek, Steve's silent stare from above. Jonathan wished he had a photo of them. Smiling, looking in his direction, eyes filled with love and want. Stop, he reminded himself. It will never be possible. They don't want me. I'm just a dumb freak. Who would want someone like me?

Joyce tried a lot to cheer him up, asking if he needed something, taking time out of her busy day to hang out with him, watching his favorite movies. The only time she could lift his spirit was when she took him and Will for a walk in the forest and showed them an old ruin. He had a lot of fun taking photos of it, with her in the picture, with Will and them both. They had so much fun, running around laughing, finding strange things and just forgetting the world for some time. 

"Please stay still, Will!" 

Jonathan laughed as Will ran around their mother. Joyce giggled but then finally grabbed the younger one and held him tight to herself.

"Fast! Take a picture. Or he'll be off again." 

The moment Jonathan snapped a photo, she planted a kiss on Will's cheek. This would be Jonathan most loved picture of them. He knew it already. Will could finally struggle himself free and ran off again.

"This place is so amazing! I have to show it to my friends," he exclaimed.

Jonathan and Joyce watched him run around happily. 

"Thanks for taking us, Mum." 

She just smiled at his words, hugged him from the side and also gave him a kiss on his cheek. 

That night they all slept peacefully. All three curled up in each other in Joyce's bed. Will in the middle, hugged from both sides. But as soon as the sun rose and Jonathan woke up his bad mood was back again. 

It began slow, stayed slow, still moved forward. And sometimes it will move faster than one would expect.

Will was the first who said something.   
Jonathan was sifting through his photographs when Will spoke.

„Mike told me Nancy cries often at night. " 

Will continued to play on the Atari, like he never said something. Jonathan tried to ignore it.

„You should talk to her sometimes. "

„I really have no time for that. " 

Jonathan picked up his photographs and literally fled to his room. He felt guilty. They needed him. No, she doesn't need me. She has Steve. Who in the world needed small dumb Jonathan? No one. He pressed himself into his bed, holding back his crying. It didn't work. He missed them so much. Jonathan needed them by his side, wanted to feel safe again.  
Too fast his chest began to get heavy. It was hard to breathe. The tears just came. Flowing down his face. He pressed his eyes together, still trying to hold them in. As soon as the tears began flowing his nose was stuffed and his attempts to calm himself by breathing through the nose were for nothing. Jonathan let out a small yelp. He clenched his blanked, trying to ground himself. It only got worse. He must have been louder than he had thought because from outside of his room he heard his brother call out his name.

„Jonathan? Are you alright? "

He didn't want to answer but he also didn't want to make Will panic. He already had been through enough.  
I can't even keep my little brother save. I am the worst. They are better off without me. He wasn't even sure if he meant his family or Nancy and Steve. Probably all of them.

„Jonathan! I'm calling ___. " 

He couldn't hear whom Will was calling. Now I'm even a bother. I just bother people. Take away their time. Jonathan felt sick. It was still hard to breathe like a heavy stone was placed on him. He knew any given moment he could throw up. It was not the first time he had an attack. These happened more often since the monster. After he hunted the monster with Nancy and Steve. After the gift and kiss. After Steve's stare. Jonathan wasn't used to people except his family to care for him. As soon as they get to know me, they will leave. They just feel responsible. They don't like me. Just like all the others who mock me, they will mock me when I show I care. I'm gross and disgusting. Who would like someone like me?   
He took big breaths. It calmed him down. He reminded himself that his mother and his brother loved him and needed him. That he had fought a monster. I'm not worthless. 

Jonathan laid on his back and his eyes still felt stingy and worn out from the crying. He was finally calm when he heard the small knock on his door. He remembered that Will have had called someone.  
He was expecting his Mom but when the door opened. Nancy. 

Jonathan felt overwhelmed by her presence. He didn't want her to see him in this state.

"Nancy, please leave." 

He wanted to make it sound strong, but it only came out weak and almost silent.

"Jonathan!" 

His breath hitched with the demand in her voice. Nancy stepped into the room, walked to his bed and kneeled down. Their faces were now leveled. He looked away from her.

"Please Jonathan. Whatever you do, stop avoiding us. I... WE miss you. We want to be there for you. We need you." 

He felt her soft touch on his shoulder. Jonathan trembled. He closed his eyes to calm himself. 

"Leave." 

His voice betrayed him. It was shaky and weak. 

"Please!" he pleaded. 

Nancy didn't move an inch. Her hand just slowly stroked his back. It calmed him more than he expected. Before he knew he drifted to sleep. 

When he woke up, Nancy was curled up behind him sleeping. Jonathan smiled at her and he realized that this was the first time since the monster he woke up without feeling dead.   
He was too afraid to touch her with his hands.   
Jonathan slowly stood up, snapped his camera and went as silent as possible out of his room. His mind didn't even dare to think about taking a photograph of her. He thought about closing the door but ended up leaving it a small creak open.   
It was still early in the morning. His mother and brother were probably sleeping.   
He hummed his favorite song while he made his way to the kitchen to start making breakfast. 

At first, he was shocked at what he saw, but how else could have Nancy been here so fast without a car-ride. Who else would do that for her? 

Steve was sleeping soundly on the couch, wrapped up in a blanket. Jonathan took a photo and Steve woke up. For a second he panicked. He wasn't sure how Steve would react to him taking a photo of him sleeping. But when Steve finally rubbed his eyes and finally focused on Jonathan, a smile grew on the fresh awoken boy's face. 

"Did you two talk it out?" 

Steve's voice sounded raspy and a small smirk spread on his face. It looked like he knew something that Jonathan didn't. Why was he even here? Why would he let Nancy sleep in his bed? 

"You are only here to mock me!" 

Jonathan realized. He felt sick. This was the only way it made sense to him. He was so happy when he woke up, Nancy by his side, discovering Steve on the couch.

"Why else would you be here. I'm so dumb." 

"Jonathan!" 

He looked up to meet Steve's eyes. While he wasn't looking, Steve must have stood up and was now slowly approaching.

"Don't come near me. You know what can happen." 

Jonathan was finally able to let his voice sound strong and dangerous. Steve froze in his place, but just for a short time.

"Jonathan, we're here for you. There's no way we would mock you."

"Yeah, says the one who destroyed my camera."

"I replaced it, no?" Guilt swung in Steve's voice.

"Yes, but too proud to give it to me yourself. You just wanted to ease your guilt. Don't act like it was for me. You did it all for yourself." 

Jonathan knew he hit home. Anger bubbled in Steve's eyes and he could see how much he tried to hold it back. Jonathan had enough. He too needed to cool his head.

"I'm out of here." 

He turned and ran out the back door. Jonathan heard the other boy following him.

"Wait, Jonathan." 

Steve's voice sounded calm and collected. Jonathan was almost by the old garden house when he felt Steve's hand on his arm. Jonathan just turned and hit. 

"What did I say about coming near me?" 

Who's the angry one now, Jonathan thought in the same moment he saw Steve's shocked face. He had hit hard and he knew the other boy would bleed. This will make a great picture, his bloody face. The impact threw Steve to the ground and he was trying to get back to his feet. He grasped for something to hold on and found Jonathan's arm. Steve's eyes locked with Jonathan's. 

Jonathan was mesmerized by how beautiful Steve looked. His hair ruffled. Blood was slowly dripping from his nose. His eyes were pleading for who god knows what. Steve had probably worn his clothes while sleeping. It was all crinkled. He looked so out of place. Jonathan has never seen him like that. Steve was just beautiful. He was disgusted by himself the moment his thoughts ended. Against his will, he was already taking a mental picture.

"Jonathan, please." 

Steve's voice was full of despair. He was on his knees. His hand was still clinging to his arm. 

"Do you really want this?" 

Jonathan didn't know why he was so sure what Steve wanted. He saw the other boy swallow hard before he shook his head in agreement. Jonathan grabbed the kneeling boy and dragged him into the garden shad. He didn't want anybody to see them. Inside he let Steve go and asked again.

"Do you really want this?" 

Steve gulped again and his Adam's apple bounced. 

„Yes. "

Jonathan had never thought he had these urges in him. Hitting someone else out of sheer lust made him feel powerful and helpless at the same time. 

„Steve!" 

The soft voice Jonathan used, startled the other boy. 

„I can't do this. Especially here, and what about Nancy? " 

Steve smiled a crooked smile at these words. Jonathan could see the sadness in his eyes. He wanted the smug Steve back. With the trembling one, he would be happy, too.

"Nancy and I are not together." 

"What? Why?" 

Jonathan felt his heartbreak. These two belong together. As much as Steve was an asshole, in the beginning, he couldn't imagine or better said he couldn't deal with them not being a pair. Even though Steve was starting to explain the reason why they were no longer together, his mind was somewhere else. 

"This can't be real." 

Jonathan's hands began to shiver. This was happening way too often now.

"Jonathan? Are you alright?" 

Hands touched his arms and as Jonathan looked up he met Steve's concerned eyes. He so wished that these eyes would be enough to hold off his emerging panic. Steve must have realized what was happening.

"Jonathan, breath! Breath with me." 

Slowly Steve began to breathe through his mouth. In and out. Jonathan just looked at the lips. Trying to concentrate on the breathing. He couldn't.

"Come on Jonathan! Breath!" 

Jonathan laid his hand on Steve's chest, feeling the rising. Finally, he could control his lungs again. He felt warmth seeping through Steve's shirt. The desire to feel the warmth around him grew stronger.

"Hug me," he pleaded. 

Strong arms wrapped around Jonathan. At last, he felt safe.


	2. Castle Byers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: eating (disorder)

As soon as Nancy woke up, she realized that Jonathan was no longer by her side.   
She had a nightmare in the middle of the night, but as the terrifying dream had awoken her and had made her gasp for air, her heart had stopped beating too fast, as soon as she had laid eyes on Jonathan's back. Just the sight of Jonathan had soothed her. Nancy immediately had snuggled close to him. His broad shoulders had made her feel safe. 

Especially save from all the guilt she had been laying on herself. This was the main reason she had nightmares. Nancy guild-tripped herself into thinking that she had been the reason why Barb was dead. Whenever she closed her eyes and tried to sleep, the only thing she would see was Barb's accusing brown eyes. Nancy knew for a fact that Barb would never give her the fault and she wasn't the fault. The monster was at fault. The reason why Barb was dead and that even her corpse was not here, was not her fault but the monsters.

It took a dull on her as much as she acted like it didn't. Nancy wanted to be strong and so she acted like it. Even her grades didn't waver. She focused on school so much that she didn't have much time for other things. Except for Mike. Since the incident, they stuck together whenever they could. When Mike wasn't with his friends, he was in Nancy's room, relaxing on her bed while she studied for school. 

Everything seemed perfect, at least when you were someone who just had a look from afar. The relationship between Nancy and Steve suffered immensely. Steve had tried his best to make it all right again. He has been there for her as much as he could. Nancy just didn't let him close to her again. She sealed him off, acted cold when she wanted to act soft and warm. Every-time Nancy saw the raw hurt and the sadness in his eyes when he looked at her with a longing that made her want to open up again, she withdrew even more. The more she did, the more she realized what a mistake she was making. But it was too late - at least she had persuaded herself into thinking that.

Nancy found them hugging in the garden shad. Jonathan looked rough like he didn't get enough sleep. His eyes were closed and they sprung open as soon as Nancy stepped in. It looked like he wanted to get out of the hug as soon as he saw her but held himself back. Steve had his back to her. Nancy wanted to call out to him, to get them out of the hug in which she surely wanted to be involved in. The more she saw them hug the more she felt lost and left behind. 

"Steve? I have to get home." 

He looked back not letting go of Jonathan, who looked very embarrassed and uncomfortable. Steve was as always very oblivious to that fact. A face-palm was needed.

"Really Steve, Jonathan doesn't look so happy."

"Oh, really?" 

Steve looked in Jonathans eyes. The other boy avoided the stare.

"Nah," he laughed. 

It was his smug trademark laugh. Nancy was surprised at how honest the laugh was. She hadn't heard his laugh in a felt forever and she would have loved to kiss it away. To get her fingers in his hair and pull him down to her waiting lips. Steve let Jonathan go and just laid one arm over the other's shoulders. 

"Really Steve. I need to get home. My mother will be furious."

„You look like you need a hug, Nance." 

Before she knew Steve had his long arms around her. Her body was so taken aback that she didn't even react. The only thing Nancy registered was the crooked smile from Jonathan. 

„Steve, let's go. I'm sure Jonathan had enough of us."

„Yeah, yeah." 

Finally, he let her go. She watched as he went back to Jonathan and ruffled his hair as a goodbye. Then Steve passed her and got out of the wooden shad.

„Will you be alright?" 

Nancy asked when Steve was gone.

„Sure." 

It didn't sound convincing.

„Do you want to hang out later? Just relax somewhere quiet?" 

Jonathan was startled about her offer. He looked up and met her eyes, but just for a short time. 

„Yeah. Castle Byers?" 

Jonathan seemed suddenly nervous. He played with his hair and wasn't looking at her. Nancy thought he never looked cuter.

„Yeah, I'll be there after lunch."

„NANCY!" 

It startled them both. Their eyes met and both couldn't hold back a short chuckle.

„I'll be off then. See you later, Jonathan." 

She smiled and exited the shad.

Back in the car, Nancy finally felt the excitement. She would have the whole afternoon with Jonathan. When was the last time she was that excited about something?

„What are you smiling about?" 

Steve seemed in a bad mood, but she ignored it.

„Nothing." 

„Nance." 

She winced at the nickname. It reminded her of the time he had said it with so much fondness in his voice, she had to do her best not to squirm. The first time Steve said it affectionally, he also told her he loved her. 

„Yes?"

„He knows we're no longer together."

Nancy kept silent. She didn't want to say a thing. It was only a matter of time until Jonathan would have found out. Steve continued.

„He had a panic attack when I told him." 

Steve started the car. The roaring of the car was almost calming. Now she knew why the two were hugging. It was a soothing feeling that Steve was there for Jonathan when it happened. Panic attacks are nothing to joke about and Steve had his series of attacks himself. 

„You know… I still love you a lot. And… I know I did you wrong, very wrong. But I know we could make it work. Especially if Jonathan is with us."

„I don't know… Everything is still a bit much. I did you wrong, too."

„It has been a month," Steve stated, totally ignoring her last sentence.

„It takes time… see how long it takes Jonathan."

Steve looked more than frustrated. He kept rubbing his leg, probably trying to calm himself.

„Jonathan isn't… yet with us. But I know it would make everything better with him. I was able to hug you again today. Just because he was there with us."

„I miss your hugs, Steve." 

Nancy smiled, knowing that Steve wouldn't see it because he was focusing on the road. 

„I really do miss you."

„Could it work?"

„Maybe." 

Nancy just smiled, feeling hopeless, because she didn't think that it would ever happen.

The rest of the drive, they kept quiet - just listening to the soft sounds coming out of the radio. Only at the end of the ride, Nancy asked if Steve got the mixtape from Jonathan and as he nodded his head, she wondered how he obtained it. 

Steve exited the car with her and while they were moving closer, he asked: „Can I kiss you?“  
With a smirk, he added: „Put your hands in my hair and pull me down to you, like you wanted to back in the shad." 

At this Nancy finally laughed. Steve didn't have to wait long for her. 

Nancy made it slow. She wanted to show Steve how important he still is to her. Slowly she slid her fingers in his long locks. Caressing his hair before she pulled him down to her lips, stopping right before they would have met. A small smile spread on her face as she saw his frustration. Finally, she let him feel her lips. His were just like Nancy remembered. His chapped met her soft lips. Steve was as eager as ever. His tongue was already asking for entrance. Nancy didn't let him at first. Made him become a bit desperate for her mouth. 

„Nancy…," Steve murmured. 

He bid softly in her bottom lip. 

„Please…!" 

Finally, she let him in. Only now I hit her how much she missed his kisses. His hands on her body. His warmth. Steve always knew how to make her feel loved. He always held her with his strong arms, protecting her from the harsh world. 

Nancy pulled a bit away from him, just to get away from his lips. She wouldn't have thought, she'd get so overwhelmed with feelings. Still, she stayed in his arms, not wanting to lose the warmth.

„I'll see Jonathan again today. I'll talk to him if he's up for it."

„Thanks, Nance. I'm no good with words," he smiled.

„But good with your hands," Nancy smirked and she felt Steves body tremble with laughter. 

She looked up at him and their eyes met. Both smiled softly at each other and with a small peck, they said goodbye.

„See you soon, Nance."

 

Nancy entered her home half expecting her mother to scold her for being away the whole night, but as she was going into the kitchen and greeting her, she was just greeted back.

„Did you eat?" her mother asked.

„Well no. I was in a rush to come back."

„Oh, you didn't need to rush. You should hang more with your friends," she said and continued to chop onions. 

Nancy was confused. Her mum wasn't scolding her like she would have done a month ago for sure.

„I'm making your favorite dish. You worked so hard these past weeks, so I thought I would make you something good." 

She smiled at Nancy, who still had a baffled look on her face. 

„How is Jonathan doing by the way? Joyce called yesterday that you and Steve went there to check on him."

„He's doing better," Nancy choked out. 

Karen looked up again from her onions.

„Are you okay dear?" 

She put her knife down and stepped closer to Nancy, reaching out for her.

„I'm fine… well, I like to think I'm fine." 

„It's been hard for you, dear." 

The hug came unexpectedly. Nancy wasn't used to getting hugs from her mother. The warmth soothed her and she had to think of Jonathan's broad shoulders. How they made her feel safe.

„It's hard but I was never alone in this." 

With this, her mother slowly loosened the hug. She moved a strand of hair out of Nancy's face and smiled at her.

„You're strong. Don't forget that."

„Thanks, mum." 

In her mind, Nancy knew that even though she was strong it would take a whole lot of time to recover. This she didn't tell. They hugged again, but this time it was much shorter.

„I'm meeting Jonathan later today. Is that okay?"

„Of course. Just be back for dinner, dear." 

Nancy would never say it to her Mum's face, but the ‚dear‘ was already getting on her nerves.

After that Nancy grabbed two Eggos® to get through till lunch and went up to her room. She was nervous about what the day would bring. It was not the first time she met up with Jonathan, but that was before the monster. Now it was different, they could no longer bond over the will to fight the monster. Now they could bond over the fact that they survived the monster together. Don't overthink, Nancy reminded herself. The moment she wanted to open the door to her room, Mike looked out of his room and greeted her with a smile. Nancy halted in her action.

„Hey, what's up. Where were you?"

„At Byer's place with Steve."

„Everything alright?"

„Yes, I guess."

„Can I have one of your Eggos®." 

Mike made his eyes big like he would start begging if she'd refused. Nancy hated that face.

„Yes, here," she said annoyed, took one of them from her plate and extended her arm with the other Eggo®. 

A happy grin formed on his face and he almost sprinted to get it. As soon as he had the Eggo®, Nancy rushed into her room and closed the door behind her. She had the strong desire to be alone and not deal with her little brother. Mike was probably standing outside, looking confused. Nancy heard his steps outside of her room and after a bit the opening and closing of a door. She sighed with relief.

Nancy put the plate on her desk and flopped on her bed. Appetite was gone. These last weeks it wasn't that seldom that she didn't want to eat. Every time when it happened, a small concern crept up that she wasn't putting enough into her system, but she just couldn't bring herself to take a bite. Everything was so tasteless and boring. The only thing these days that made her feel better and productive, was studying. It helped her cope with all the angst and guilt that always tried to flood her mind. Nancy clenched her hand and felt the soft material of her bed. She had to hold back not to try and rip her bedsheets. Nancy focused on her ceiling light. She looked right into the bright light, feeling the subtle burn from not closing eyes combined with the prickling sensation one got when starring into one. It didn't do much. It didn't stop the feelings she didn't want to deal with. But it gave her a kind of comfort. Showed her she was capable of feeling other things. Showed her that if her mind betrayed her, her body wouldn't. Before she knew it, her eyes were closed and she drifted to sleep.

Cold hands touched her skin. Nancy woke up wide-eyed, looked right into the eyes of Jonathan. Well, she thought it was him, but it was just her mother and her hands weren't even cold. They were warm as always. How could she confuse these two? Wishful thinking.

„What?" She asked confused. 

„Lunch is ready, dear," she said while smiling down to her daughter. 

Nancy nodded.

„I'll be down in a minute, Mum." 

She tried smiling back, but she was very certain that it was the kind where you thought you were smiling but to others, it just looked like a neutral face or how other people called it: ‚Bitch Face‘.

„Take your time, dear." 

Karen let go of Nancy's arm and moved to the door and before she left the room she said: „I'll keep the food warm."

It was like she knew that Nancy would take much more than a minute to come down. 

Half an hour passed before she could lift herself up to go down. Her mother was already standing in the kitchen cleaning the dishes.

„Hey, dear! The food is in the oven." The smile she gave Nancy was so desperately sweet that she wanted to turn around and leave. ‚Don't give me your pity, Mum‘, she thought to herself, while she looked into the oven. It was her favorite food, just like she thought. 

„It looks delicious, Mum!"

„Take as much as you want. The boys are already full to the brim," Karen laughed. 

„I'm not that hungry, but I'll eat a few bites." 

Nancy looked up to her mother and saw concern and sadness in her face. 

„Nancy, dear….," she trailed off. 

„Mum. I'll eat, ok? I promise." 

The bitter half-smile her mother gave her, broke Nancy's heart. She wished she could do better and stop her mother's desperate attempts to fix everything. But nothing could bring back her best friend Barb. 

Nancy took a plate and put on half of what was left of the food. She glanced at her mother. Karen looked pleased and her sad smile was gone. To close the oven with one hand while balancing the plate in the other hand, was harder than she thought. Still, she managed. Nancy already knew that it would take her forever to eat the whole portion. She wondered why she always tried to make everybody happy around her and then once just once she does what she wants and someone dies. Nancy felt like crying. Barb was someone she held so dear and close. A sharp pain pierced through her. The plate slipped out of her hand. Nancy didn't even realize it until her mum shrieked and was getting something to clean up the mess.

„Fuck! I'm so sorry, mum!" 

Nancy wanted to kneel down and pick up the shards.

„No, no, no, Nancy! You're just gonna cut yourself again!" shushed Karen her away. 

Embarrassment was creeping up her face and she hurried away. 

„I'm going to Byers!", she shouted before she snatched her jacket and slammed the door to the garage behind her. 

Her mothers' voice sounded far away even though Karen was probably shouting Nancy's name, but she ignored it. Just like she ignored her stomach grumbling for something to work with.

Nancy was looking for her bike. Even though she hadn't used it for a very long time, she hoped that it was in a ridable condition. She spotted it in the back, but not like she expected overthrown with dust and spiderwebs, but clean and the tires seemed to be replaced. They looked newly bought. 

„Thanks, Dad," she mumbled. 

Sometimes he did unexpected and most of the time unnecessary things, but this time he hit the nail on its head. 

She swung herself onto the bike as her mother stormed out of the house. Her face looked furious. 

„Nancy, you promised. There's still something left, dear." 

Nancy could see how her mother held back not to scream at her.

Nancy halted.

„I'm gonna eat at Byers." 

She knew that this comment was like a slap in her mothers face. At the moment she didn't care. She heard her mother gasp as she drove off. 

It was way too early to drive to Castle Byers. It was also way too hot to be outside riding a bike. The sun felt like a burn on her bright white skin. Nancy just hoped that she wouldn't get a sunburn and turned red like a tomato. Her skin wasn't that forgiving. She already knew she would have an awful skin for the next week. She sighed and started to pedal faster.   
The town was deserted. No living being was out, except for her. If it wasn't for the aggressive heat it would have felt peaceful and quiet. The chirr, most of the time perceived as a calming quietude, was like a marching band in Nancy's ears. She wanted to cover her ears and scream her soul out. Yet all she did was moving forward to Castle Byers. For the time being this was enough for her.

Nancy didn't remember how she got to the Castle, but the next thing she registered was waking up from a big hand on her shoulder. Two pairs of eyes were looking at her. One was full of concern, the other was full of smiles and teeth. Jonathan and Steve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pls excuse any mistakes ... especially grammar.... I really need a beta-reader... lol


End file.
